no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
