a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
