oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
