The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
