I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Mom said you looked used
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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