i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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