im drinking this country out of the recession.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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