I should be sponsored by Trojan
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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