dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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