Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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