So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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