As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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