his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
