My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
