I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He? As in you personified your dick?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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