Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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