i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
