yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
