he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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