Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
