So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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