M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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