I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
