the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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