i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
