I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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