Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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