Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
