I think I died a long time ago.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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