I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
