i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
