Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
