that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
