get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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