I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
