doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
