the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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