Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
