never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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