I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
