He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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