Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize