she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my shit smells like andre
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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