Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i will never coherently bang her
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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