This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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