She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
