saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
