Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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