Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
