I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize