i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
