Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
