On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
