yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
should my penis look like a turkey
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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