You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
