you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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