oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
