Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
