ya dads aren't the best wingmen
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
