I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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