I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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