he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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