Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
