I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
