would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
