She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
