New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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