He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
