hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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