I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wanna go halves on a baby?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
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