Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
