never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my sisters under your porch take her home
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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