I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
