We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
