no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
