Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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