he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
