that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
